ribbit. ribbit.

recently i came across a self-help book i started, but never quite got through.  it's called "40 days and 40 nights: taking time out for self-discovery" and the last time i saw it was Day 11 - in January of 2007.  wow, i'm really glad i stayed on top of that one.  what's worse, i was more than mortified to flip through those few pages and find that, in fact, in these almost 7 years...not much has changed.  i still whine about my fears and struggle with trying to figure out what the fuck i'm doing; i mean, really???   now, now.  tsk tsk.  well, it was a weird year, 2007.  things were slightly upended, to say the least, but you do bring into your life that which you have the space for.  

that said, in said, same book, i came across a list of things of Who and What Do I Love:

myself, family, nature, snow, fresh air, sunshine, music, drama, Mozart, opera, a good book, good food, good tv, Belgrade, Bosnia, my friends, my [good] lovers, my passport, $$, my freedom, travel, new places, new faces, NYC, that feeling of passion when you get lost in something really amazing, whatever it may be, SEX, yoga, self-control, people with good energy, frogs, the Universe, relaxing, peace...

that's how i wrote it, frogs and ellipses and all.

really, do things ever change or do they stay the same but just get much better [or worse] depending on what crayon you take out of the pack.

now, now.

the new black, or, how i broke the mati

the most peculiar things happened today.  30 rock ended and i cancelled my 9-year membership to the gym.

the Greeks, that sprightly bunch, have this thing about the evil eye, whereas in, God forbid it's on you, but you also carry one around on every set of keys you have.  i've sometimes thought, more often than not, that the evil eye has been on me these last few years, and while i don't want to mess with the mati, i realized tonight that the only superstition i have is myself, that i'm one lucky fucking charm to have in my own pocket.

it wouldn't be fair to say i got there myself, though i've certainly been the one sucking the most out of that particular oxygen tank.  no, ladies and gentlemen and members of the academy, cue the music:

this one goes out to Harmony, thank you, my little Love; and Trust - you are nothing short of absolutely wonderful.  Maro, my Ball of Eternal Optimism - though it may just be dust arisen from dirty, thirsty children in the sand, may you ever float on the cloud of wonderful karma you've cultivated around you.  Red, you're more than a doctor, you are a veritable physician to my soul.      

i woke this morning from a dream in which i was counseling the dead.

sometimes, it's not what you see, but what you're looking at.