about two months ago, i stopped thinking.
a lot of people expect me to say that i stopped drinking when i start out like that, but i can't really drink anyway, so what would be the point? two drinks and it's more than a solid nauseated sort of night for yours truly, so no, i'm not talking about grey goose sprites and lemon or maybe malbec maybe syrah maybe a nice blend, you know?
BUT
you see, two months ago, i realized that many of my anxieties comes from overthinking and rethinking and eatsleepwalkrunjumpthinking and just always always always thinking and then those thoughts from thinking reach/sink from your mind into your belly twisting it all around tight and small in there making you want to right away straight puke into the face of the next person you see in front of you and from there that poison reaches out of your belly, grabbing your shoulders tight from the inside with these long skinny invisible anxiety skeleton arms, and it's a miracle that you can get off of your chair to look out the window and maybe raise your face to the sun for a minute, those invisible, cold, anxiety skeleton arms reaching up from your gut and grabbing your shoulders and all, so, as you can see, it all had to come to a definitive end - somehow.
i read some line somewhere in one of the endless self-help books i [used] to be addicted to that you can stop any destructive thought by thinking something along the lines of, "i don't need this piece of shit thought cluttering up my mind right now, so thanks but no thanks and now just beat it" well, evidently, i became so aggressive in my use of actually saying that line that my mind decided to not think at all, lest it be chastised for thinking too much about whether or not i really should have dessert after dinner say, or where whoever really was if they really were there at the time they said they were there. and p.s. that self-help book addiction is a straight up legit addiction, so kindly keep your sneering mockery to yourself, please - evidently, mass numbers of Americans fork over exorbitant amounts of money every year to slurp on whatever the next Deepak Chopra has to say about the current and always state of Happiness, which is, evidently, that it's all in our minds anyway.
so, just like that. not a peep of overthinking thoughts coming from this head now, two months and counting. people tell me that this newly induced close-to-meditative, perpetual state is probably a rather advantageous place from which to begin any number of successful endeavors, but i don't seem to have gotten the hang of it yet. what the f am i supposed to do from here? run for president, run a revolution (calm down, big brother), write a book, feel fulfilled, take a pet, have children? i'm really not sure what the logistics are on "next steps forward", so i wondered what Buddha would say. i tried a search on "Buddha" and "thoughts", but just when i thought i really had the peaceful peacefulness of things going, this is what i came up with instead:
You see what you are thinking and feeling, seldom what you are looking at.
great. do you know what that means, then??? absolutely NOTHING!
a lot of people expect me to say that i stopped drinking when i start out like that, but i can't really drink anyway, so what would be the point? two drinks and it's more than a solid nauseated sort of night for yours truly, so no, i'm not talking about grey goose sprites and lemon or maybe malbec maybe syrah maybe a nice blend, you know?
BUT
you see, two months ago, i realized that many of my anxieties comes from overthinking and rethinking and eatsleepwalkrunjumpthinking and just always always always thinking and then those thoughts from thinking reach/sink from your mind into your belly twisting it all around tight and small in there making you want to right away straight puke into the face of the next person you see in front of you and from there that poison reaches out of your belly, grabbing your shoulders tight from the inside with these long skinny invisible anxiety skeleton arms, and it's a miracle that you can get off of your chair to look out the window and maybe raise your face to the sun for a minute, those invisible, cold, anxiety skeleton arms reaching up from your gut and grabbing your shoulders and all, so, as you can see, it all had to come to a definitive end - somehow.
i read some line somewhere in one of the endless self-help books i [used] to be addicted to that you can stop any destructive thought by thinking something along the lines of, "i don't need this piece of shit thought cluttering up my mind right now, so thanks but no thanks and now just beat it" well, evidently, i became so aggressive in my use of actually saying that line that my mind decided to not think at all, lest it be chastised for thinking too much about whether or not i really should have dessert after dinner say, or where whoever really was if they really were there at the time they said they were there. and p.s. that self-help book addiction is a straight up legit addiction, so kindly keep your sneering mockery to yourself, please - evidently, mass numbers of Americans fork over exorbitant amounts of money every year to slurp on whatever the next Deepak Chopra has to say about the current and always state of Happiness, which is, evidently, that it's all in our minds anyway.
so, just like that. not a peep of overthinking thoughts coming from this head now, two months and counting. people tell me that this newly induced close-to-meditative, perpetual state is probably a rather advantageous place from which to begin any number of successful endeavors, but i don't seem to have gotten the hang of it yet. what the f am i supposed to do from here? run for president, run a revolution (calm down, big brother), write a book, feel fulfilled, take a pet, have children? i'm really not sure what the logistics are on "next steps forward", so i wondered what Buddha would say. i tried a search on "Buddha" and "thoughts", but just when i thought i really had the peaceful peacefulness of things going, this is what i came up with instead:
You see what you are thinking and feeling, seldom what you are looking at.
great. do you know what that means, then??? absolutely NOTHING!
