a couple of years ago, i took some yoga on the upper east side at a super swanky studio full of a lot of stiffy uppity white woman. there was an instructor we'd have once in a while who looked like a really tall skinny muscular Jesus with ultralong hair and a beard he hadn't thought of in many a year of our Lord. this guy was such a crack-up. we'd be in the middle of a super peaceful tadasana and all of a sudden from behind our closed lids in the flickering candle light, you'd hear him start sniggering and sure enough you'd open your eyes and Jesus' doppleganger was standing up there hands in prayer position eyelids closed shoulders bouncing from the laughs coming out of his belly. the ladies were not into it, but i obviously happen to have a soft spot for Jesus. his eyes were all shiney and crinkly with happiness and i'm pretty sure that he just got straight up stoned as possible, like out of his mind, before Wednesday night's 6:30 intermediate Ashtanga. needless to say, he did not last.
shortly thereafter, he started showing up in my neighborhood, a little removed to the south and east, locks aflowing, the air just positively swirling with aura around him. i saw him so much, sometimes even in other parts of the city which really is just pushing it and so much so to the extent that i figured it had to be a cosmic something, so one day, when i saw him, i literally ran down the street breathless to catch up to him. he in fact did not remember teaching a class on the upper east side, but i just laid it out that i was so like, just like, so drawn to him, that i thought i had to like confess my sins to him or something, him with his sparkling eyes and long beard reminding me so much of my spiritual fathers of yesteryore. i really thought this man had come to earth or at least Brooklyn to forgive my sins and just like that he nodded and said yes that seemed to make sense and then invited me to his "retreat" upstate where i could be very easily accommodated, for he had a large bed.
i decided to steer clear thereafter, devastated in my being takeness, and only then did i realize that he was always surrounded by a gaggle of glowing flower girls, their long fingers running through his hair, incense practically trailing off them as they walked. he actually started wearing braids and i even saw him in a skirt one day at a sandwich shop where he tried to give me a hug. he smelled so bad, i almost lost my quinoa.
i remember the first time i hit full pigeon pose. i remember thinking there was no way my foot would go there and then i just fell into it like there was nothing better in the world and i kinda think that's just what Life is apt to do.
shortly thereafter, he started showing up in my neighborhood, a little removed to the south and east, locks aflowing, the air just positively swirling with aura around him. i saw him so much, sometimes even in other parts of the city which really is just pushing it and so much so to the extent that i figured it had to be a cosmic something, so one day, when i saw him, i literally ran down the street breathless to catch up to him. he in fact did not remember teaching a class on the upper east side, but i just laid it out that i was so like, just like, so drawn to him, that i thought i had to like confess my sins to him or something, him with his sparkling eyes and long beard reminding me so much of my spiritual fathers of yesteryore. i really thought this man had come to earth or at least Brooklyn to forgive my sins and just like that he nodded and said yes that seemed to make sense and then invited me to his "retreat" upstate where i could be very easily accommodated, for he had a large bed.
i decided to steer clear thereafter, devastated in my being takeness, and only then did i realize that he was always surrounded by a gaggle of glowing flower girls, their long fingers running through his hair, incense practically trailing off them as they walked. he actually started wearing braids and i even saw him in a skirt one day at a sandwich shop where he tried to give me a hug. he smelled so bad, i almost lost my quinoa.
i remember the first time i hit full pigeon pose. i remember thinking there was no way my foot would go there and then i just fell into it like there was nothing better in the world and i kinda think that's just what Life is apt to do.
