one of my first heroes [heroines] ever was Jem, as in Jem
from Jem and the Holograms. actually, it
might have been She-Ra first, He-Man’s sister, before Jem, and I guess that’d
be important in paying proper homage here.
hm.
well, as much as I’d like to
give them both their own stage considering they’re both probably both A-Class Divas
Galore, they both made appearances in my life within the same, very important, decade
– that would be the 80’s, thank you - and come to think of it, were I to
closely study facial features…they might just actually be one and the same,
anyway
God, my skin itched to
be them, those sexy sluts with the most exciting of lives. Jem with her hot boyfriend (with a name like
“Riot”…?? I can only imagine_that’s
all_) and awesome star makeup and ever-important sparkly Star earrings, struttin
her stuff on a twirling stage. and what about She-Ra, Princess of Power, with
her completely bad-ass outfit, her sword, and
a talking unicorn?? the question is,
who’s better (I guess?)?
i had a prized Jem cassette that my mom had bought at
Nichols (precursor to Kmart, precursor to Walmart, probably even precursor to
God), with a whole song on each side that I would sing along to at the top of
my lungs, flip the cassette, sing the other one, flip the cassette and start all over again until one of my brothers came in threatening to send me definitively to
hologram hell. i imagined that my hair
was pink and funky and large and sorta shaped like a star and that I wore
precariously short pink dresses and danced easily in high heels, that my
bandmates stayed well to the back of the stage, regardless of how down we all
were, and that basically everyone else just thought I was the straight-up shit,
especially The Misfits who still caused a lot of trouble, but nothing I obviously couldn’t possibly handle anyway
the best part of both of them, aside from Jem somehow being
a touch more accessible, and not from the planet Eternia, was their
alter-egos. I mean, really. in real life, Jem
was known as Jerrica, a classy music-exec blonde who looked a bit like a Pan Am
stewardess, and She-Ra was Adora, a deceivingly simple looking servant’s
daughter in red and white leotards although her real mom and dad were actually
king and queen, so there.
the moral of the story is that I probably need to come up
with my very own alter-ego to live a ridiculously sexy life through. as for She-Ra, I actually always kinda
worried that there was something weird going on with her and her brother but still,
a couple of months ago, my boss made a super cute composite of me as She-Ra on
the computer, where evidently you can do anything these days, and I’m not
even going to lie – I keep that pic.
laminated. in my wallet.
once I walked in on someone watching old youtube clips of He-Man assaulting Skeletor, and I’ll be honest, I thought it was gay porn.
