cigarettes. in general, I find them to be so absolutely revolting, but sometimes, I really really really want one. I remember when I was a kid playing around with my then best friend’s sister’s cigarettes for the first time; they were so fucking gross and filled me with dire guilt and remorse, like many things did back then. The next day, I had such an urge to smoke that I nearly crapped my pants. I smoked one in our bathroom blowing smoke into the toilet, but as far as I can remember, my father got a good whiff and beat the shit out of me.
today, the urge hits me when the outside temp rises to or remotely above 50’F – for some reason, I love taking slow drags on my stoop whilst watching people walk by, and since I can’t do it while I’m freezing my ass off, and I don’t do it inside, I guess you could call me a seasonal smoker. i’ve seen a lot off my stoop over the past 8 years, a lot of it through the smoky haze of nasty cigarettes. i’ve seen the neighborhood go from straight up Dominican to severely hipster, some Dominican. it’s uncanny, really, gentrification. how are we even allowed to use that word anymore? you'd think people would freak out, when you think about it.
anyway - they’re gutting a huge old iglesia around the corner from my place to convert into condos. i actually wouldn’t even mind living there – there’s a huge cross on the fascade, so i think I’d feel safe. my favorite zigaretten are the Black Marlboro Golds that for some reason you can’t buy here in America, so every time someone goes to Europe, they bring me back some BMG’s and really, they’re tasty. they taste like summer in Europe, which I happen to love. i find regular american Marlboro Lights so nasty that it blows my mind trying to imagine the psyche of the person who can handle sucking that stuff in without throwing up their soul.
i caught my then best friend reading my diary in my bedroom when we were seniors - just hangin out on my bed reading my diary. so yea, that was weird
